Sunday, January 1, 2012

Morris Family Christmas Card Decoded

Alright, the answers you've been waiting for, err... the answers you've thought about maybe once or twice, err... the post you're going to look at because the New Year's Eve hangover is leaving you quite unproductive today and you are destined to have a day of face booking, blogging, or internet browsing. Either way, here are the answers to the holiday card!

2011 was a pretty great year for us, as we learned we were expecting a baby girl (1). I also changed schools, and am teaching at Thomas Hunter Middle School (2) in Mathews, while still teaching dance (3). Because of the constant exhaustion between pregnancy and new job, Brent has taken on the role of ' Brent, can you just do everything?' He makes my lunch and breakfast every morning (4), cooks and washes dishes (7) and has repainted our entire upstairs (8) with the help of some great friends, family and #9. When he is not doing one of those things, he has perfected the art of reminding me how much money we are spending on the baby (6). (I like to counter by reminding him how much money we are saving from wine.) 

Daisy Mae still needs to shed a few pounds (5). Unfortunately, she was there for me every time I couldn't finish a meal during the early months and has taken to following me around anytime I have what appears to be food. (Jokes on here when it is really a prenatal vitamin!) Toeby remains close enough to see what is going on, but far enough to remind us that he is aware that a baby is coming and he is not at all pleased. He was a great help to Brent while painting though (9), always near enough to paint containers, roller trays or wet walls to track a little somewhere. One day I'll learn to keep him outside while we are painting, but to be honest I think its funny when he has a green tail. 

We were lucky enough to visit quite a few places this year, but we lumped several of them in to two main trips. In January we left VA with some great friends and headed to Colorado (10) to ski and meet up with another college friend. I could write an entire post about the dos and don'ts of traveling to CO, but it wouldn't be right without help from Dan Mazzio. The important thing to remember is that in the end we were all allowed to leave the state, although some had to promise not to come back. 

For our fifth anniversary, we took a warmer trip. (This was in the original card design. I drew a button on Brent that said, "I survived 5 years." Meaning, of course, survival of living with me for five years. The Crosses are the only others who can make that claim, and I'm sure there were times when it was questionable just how long they would keep me around. The fact that Brent has made it for five seems like a big accomplishment to me. After looking at the design however, we thought it looked a little like I was saying he was a cancer survivor and took the button out. I bet you weren't expecting random trivia in this post.) Anyway, back to the trips. For our anniversary we took a trip that started at Emerald Isle (11) for two days with the Scatchard family. This was especially nice of them, because they're my brother's inlaws. They have no blood relation to us, but allowed us to crash at their beach cottage for a couple days while we were in route to Myrtle Beach (12). After a few nights in Myrtle, we headed to Charleston where we spent the remainder of our anniversary trip (13). We made it back home, spending an entire day in the car together, another reason Brent should get a badge- I'm not the best car companion. 

We stayed home for a few and then headed out again, this time on a Northern escapade. We hit NYC (14)  for a couple days while staying with Brent's cousins who were nice enough to let us use their home as our personal hotel. After the city we went to Philly (15) to stay with another set of Brent's cousins. It was here that I was first 'outed' as I continued to turn down alcoholic beverages that everyone else was partaking in. Being highly unusual behavior the cousins caught on pretty quickly. This trip ended in NOVA with a Dornin family reunion at Spring Garden and a trip to see the Nationals play (16). Our summer finished with an annual Nags Head trip with the Morris family (17). From here we decided we should probably stay home and focus on numbers 1- 9 again.

So that's the real story. I'm pleased to say that my mother, Nan Cross guessed the most accurately. (Granted, during all of 10 - 17 she had to keep numbers 9 and 5, so it is good that she knew where we were at those times.) Too bad for her that I can't award her the price since she already got a set of the new wine charms for Christmas. I think she will understand though, and hope that the fame of this prestigious award will be enough for her. 

This leads me to the creativity awards. A few entries had us rolling with laughter. 

Amanda Goyne has a creative approach. What she doesn't know she makes up, usually with something grossly inappropriate. In fact, I have scanned her email to find SOMETHING that I can post of her answers and am coming up with very little. 

I can include these parts, but please be aware, these aren't her entire statements. I still had to edit large chunks of writing:

3. Slippers or as we refer to them in the south, house shoes. I'm assuming this is to represent how insanely swollen and grotesque your feet are now, or will be very soon. Don't worry, they will go back to normal after you give birth...

5. One of your dogs, I don't recall the name right off, but soon you won't be able to either. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that your new human baby will replace your canine offspring; it's just that sleep deprivation does a number on your short term memory.

8. A can of green paint. Most likely this represents the blatant disregard most Americans have for our fragile environment and your life long mission to encourage friends and family to "go green". It's a little preachy for my taste, but it's your card you silly hippy you.

9. The other dog. Pansy or something

And that is it. The only four answers I can post on the Internet with a clear conscience. The rest I will save for blackmail when Amanda is interviewing for future guidance counseling jobs.

Dan and Lisa Mazzio combined to turn in a more accurate, but just as enjoyable post. More of their answers are post-able, but here are my favorites:

3. Ballet slippers because you teach ballet and also because those shoes allow you to move quietly around the house so that you dont interrupt Brent's Fresh Prince time.

8. This is for when you repainted upstairs and Steven helped you because he is required to work when he visits you.

9. This is Toeby with paint on his feet and tail because he is also required to help you with projects, only he is slightly less talented at it than Steven (slightly).

12. These are flip flops and they definitely say something. Lisa thinks they say MB... I said maybe M8 or MIB. I think its probably MIB - I am guessing those are the flip flops you bought to wear to the premiere of Men in Black 3. If not, well, thats ridiculous.

17. Ok so its possible that 11 was just because you like to go to the beach and that this one is for Emerald isle. Lisa also believes it is a surf board because Brent (Michael Westin) surfs whenever he is near the water - I don't necessarily agree.

Their confidence in the closing of their entry had me intrigued,

Damn you guys take alot of trips. The next year's Christmas card is gonna be bare comparatively. Lisa says next year the ornaments on the tree will be boobs, cribs and diapers. Can you go ahead and award us the win on next year's card now?

allowing us to make these final decisions:

Nan Cross, Most Accurate
Amanda Goyne, Most Creative
Dan and Lisa Mazzio, Automatic Winners for Next Year 
(although we'll still have the contest simply to increase daily page views to my website)


  1. Let's not forget to put some spitup and drool on that tree--I'm sure you could make it look all artsy-fartsy. Love you! Can't wait to get my hands on little Suanne!

  2. Haha, you mean, can't wait til we drop her off with you and tell you you're babysitting for the day!!!